Reconnecting

This weekend I spent two hours on the phone with someone I haven’t spoken with in at least ten years. (Thank you, Facebook.) It was one of those conversations where you start getting off the phone ½ hour before you actually hang up because you keep coming up with new things to chat about. The happy feelings of renewing a long-lost friendship stayed with me for the rest of the weekend. I was struck by what we had in common despite the distance that time, miles, and differing life paths had put between us. It is, I think, the truest kind of friendship.

I moved to a new town just before the start of 8th grade. The town, in general, was not all that accepting of people who weren’t born there. That, combined with the fact that many 14-year-old girls are catty and mean, meant that I was lonely for much of my first months in town. Tanya and I rode the same bus home from school. Sometime in the late fall we started talking during the rides home. I remember telling my mom about the nice girl I met on the bus, and she encouraged me to invite her over to our house, which I finally did.

Our houses were within walking distance of each other, and we spent tons of time together. She introduced me to Days of Our Lives during the time John Black was introduced, and I have found I can still recognize many of the characters when I see an episode once every few years. We shared babysitting duties for one of our teachers who had four kids. We served as statisticians for the baseball and football teams coached by that same teacher. (Getting out of school early to sit on the same bench with a bunch of cute boys…it was awesome!) We planned parties to be held at her mom’s house just outside of town. We laughed A LOT. Peer pressure took over at some point, and the people who wanted to include Tanya in their circle did not see me as a desirable addition. Blah, blah…[insert teenage drama here]. I moved to a new town two years before graduation, but we had parted ways long before that.

I went to college. Tanya moved across the country. She tracked my down during my college years, and we were sporadically in touch. She apologized for the choice she made about our friendship, and, being distanced enough from those days, I had no hard feelings. Sometime before I graduated from college, we lost track of each other.

Here we are in 2009, latecomers to the Facebook era, but, lucky for us, it’s still going strong. That connection, unbroken by time, distance, and life experience, found again, with such little effort, 18 years after it was first made is a testament to the qualities that make up the foundation of a person’s self. (Excuse my momentary philosophizing.) There is no doubt that I have grown as a person and live a more fulfilling existence that I did as a self-conscious, fitting-in-obsessed 14-year-old. I’m sure that, with different words, Tanya would say the same of herself. Yet, within 15 minutes of saying hello again, we were exchanging details of personal life events that had occurred during the years since we’d last talked. Whatever Tanya found approachable in me that first day on the bus, and whatever I recognized in her that made me confident enough to invite her to my house was still there. We are older and wiser, yet fundamentally the same.

In a time of much adjustment and evolution from self-sufficient single girl to healthily-dependent married girl, I find great comfort in the confirmation that no matter how much I’ve evolved, the core of me that has always been there has flourished in ways that leave it identifiable to the hearts of those who knew me “back when.”